Thursday, November 09, 2006

Diedrich's and Dying Grandmothers

Since I heard that Starbucks will be taking over Diedrich's in December I've been making an effort to go to Diedrich's (specifically the one at UCI) as much as possible. For the past few weeks I've been studying there 2 of the 5 nights of the work week and I stop in for my soy lattes (small, not tall, made with original soy, not syrupy vanilla-flavored soy, at no extra cost, not 40 cents extra) on the weekends. Tonight, while I was driving home, tired, I got the same feeling I had driving away from visiting my grandmothers on their deathbeds. It wasn't exactly the same. Losing Diedrich's is not taking the same emotional toll on me as did losing my grandmothers, but the driving away from what you know is one of your last visits feeling is the same.

My grandmothers, both on my mom's side and my dad's side, progressed in sickness to their deaths quite quickly. That is, they didn't die suddenly or unexpectedly, but once they and we, my family, realized they were too sick to continue living, they died within days. We visited my dad's mother at my aunt's house every other day from when we had that realization until she passed about 5 days later. My mom's mother was living with my parents up until the day she passed, the same day she requested to go to the hospice. The only comparison I draw between the passing of my grandmothers and the end of Diedrich's is the feeling that came in those moments when I was leaving my grandmother on her deathbed and the realization that that was the last time or one of the very last times I would ever see my grandmother.

The feeling wouldn't be so interesting if I didn't contextualize it. Why is it that I don't get that feeling everytime I leave my brother and sisters, my boyfriend, my work? It could be the last time I ever see those people and places, but the probablity is much lower, and I think I would go around feeling pretty shitty if I was always afraid of loss.

On a lighter note . . . I am moving my blog from Google Pages to Blogger because I don't want to wait around to see if Google adds blogging tools. Here's a link to the old stuff and from now on you can find me here.

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